Sunday, March 17, 2024

SPIRITUAL BEINGS IN A TEMPORAL WORLD

During the last 24 hours I (Russell) have been blessed to attend several spiritually uplifting meetings.  I’m almost embarrassed to admit that it has been odd, because it is a reflection on me and the circumstances in which I serve as a missionary.  Last night Eileen and I were able to watch the Saturday evening session of conference from our stake in Centerville, Utah.  It was great to listen to the messages shared by our neighbors and local Church leaders.  This morning in Sacrement meeting, in addition to receiving the sacrament, we heard two talks from missionaries; one a young sister serving in the ward and the other a recently returned young man who had served in California.  Then soon thereafter we listened to the homecoming report of Elder and Sister Bradford as they spoke in their home ward in Oregon.  Each meeting was a spiritual feast, something I found to be refreshing and a much needed rejuvenation.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French philosopher, said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”  Too often I get caught up in the temporal parts of my assignment here in Missouri.  Being detail oriented has its advantages from an organizational perspective, but you can drown spiritually in the minutia if you’re not careful.  

This week we got word that a couple had been called to replace the Perrys.  Richard and Tracy Parker will be joining us in the office and are scheduled to arrive here in early June.  It turns out that the Parkers lived for years in the Jennings Lane Ward about a half mile from our home in Centerville.  When I was serving on the stake high council, I was assigned to their ward and have met them on several occasions.  It will be fun to serve in the office with the Parkers.  As Elder Perry is the Financial Secretary and will be leaving in mid-April, I’m going to have to learn that role before he leaves so that I can cover both positions until the Parkers arrive.

President and Sister Sommerfeldt presenting a poster signed by our missionaries to Andy Reid and his wife. Brother Reid is the coach for the Kansas City Chiefs who just won the Super Bowl.  He is a member of one of the wards within our mission. 

This is the impound lot where Russell needed to pay cash to get out our missionary impounded vehicle, it cost $380 in cash to get it out, note the office sign.

A tornado whipped through our area on Wednesday night, leaving baseball size hail. Storm photos taken from internet news.

Sister Creer is now training to become secretary to our mission president. She will replace Sister Kearns. Sister Welbern has graciously been filling in since Sister Kearns brain surgery. 

               Sister Creer, Eileen, Sister Campbell and Sister Martinsen at the RS Ward Birthday party

Some of the missionaries heading to the car dealership in the transit van 

Elder Wunderly and Elder Sturgis both quickly volunteered to drive the new truck back to Independence.

It took a lot of volunteers to pick up 10 new cars. Originally we were told it would be 13. The cars will all stay in the "lot" until Russell can get them ready for drivers. They need real license plates and monitoring devices in them. 
Russell starting the work on preparing all the cars. It is tieless Friday. Most elders take advantage of the opportunity to go without a tie. 

Sunday, March 10, 2024

A TRIBUTE TO THE FALLEN

This past week I (Eileen) have had a number of things which I have been grateful to have been able to observe.

On Tuesday Sister Perry and I went to visit Sister Kearns. Sister Kearns was our mission secretary who had a large brain tumor removed last week. After seeing her health deteriorate from November to when it was eventually operated on,  it was wonderful seeing her able to walk with some assistance and carrying on a thoughtful conversation.  She was very grateful for the many prayers offered on her behalf. 

Over the years I have become quite assertive, especially when it comes to obtaining medical care.  This came in extra handy this week with  two sisters who needed immediate medical care.  One hurt her knee playing pickleball. The earliest appointment for a MRI was 9 days out, the other was a sister who needed surgery for a large  kidney stone.  The second sister was told she would get a call for surgery in 7-10 business days.  The squeaky wheel theory paid off. The MRI was done within 24 hours of initially attempting to schedule it, as was the surgery for the kidney stone.  After the surgery when I thanked the doctor for getting our missionary in quickly, he said he told his scheduler that if he had to come in on his day off he would.  He shook my hand to say goodbye, clasping both of his hands around mine, and told me "God bless you. Thank you for your work."  Every person we interacted with on the surgical day was so pleasant and positive with us.  The experience brought back many memories of working in the PACU (recovery room).  I  really loved my work, especially when I retired from the hospital and did humanitarian work with Operation Smile. I know I am doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do in this stage of life, but I was a little bit nostalgic missing my days of working in the PACU.

On Friday I attended the funeral of Cody Allen, a 35 year old police officer and a married father of two young children. He was shot while trying to save the life of a court employee, who had also been shot, while serving an eviction notice.   Our office was closed that day as the funeral was held next door at the Church of Christ auditorium and all streets were closed off except for those going to the funeral.  The funeral was open to the public.   I thought I might as well support the family in their time of grief, and get to see the inside of the auditorium which is seldom ever used.  The events of that day were some of the most moving I have ever experienced. 

The auditorium seats 6,000, with about 5,000 seats filled that day.  It was unlike anything I have ever seen. about 70% of those in attendance were law enforcement from Missouri.  All were dressed in their dress uniforms. It was obvious that there was a lot of love and camaraderie the officers had for each other. They were all seated by their area where they serve.  As the funeral was ready to begin, several bagpipers came up the aisle followed by dozens of Independence police officers. All the other officers in the building stood and saluted as their fellow officers walked by.  The family members were each accompanied by a police officer.  The service was filled with memories of the slain officer and words of peace and comfort offered by the chaplain.  There were several references to verses in the Bible including John 15:13, Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. The chaplain mentioned that Cody was in a better place, watching over the rest of us as a guardian angel, preparing the way for us to go. The police Chief spoke and said with great emphasis, "Independence Police Officer Cody Allen you are eternally relieved from duty."

After the funeral a very large procession traveled 30 miles to the gravesite. Traffic stopped on both sides of the road, including on the freeway honoring the fallen officer. It was a reminder to me that there are many who are good and kind in the world, willing to fight the forces of evil. 

Saturday, Russell and I drove to the temple for our monthly senior missionary endowment session. On the way there, he received a call from two sisters saying their car had been stolen. While I went in for the temple session, he stayed in the car trying to figure out what had happened to their car. It turned out that they didn't have the required permit on their car and it had been towed. It won't be a cheap endeavor to get the car out of the impound lot--and it must all be done in cash.

After the temple the seniors usually go out to eat.  There were 14 of us who went to the Red Robin restaurant. At one point the server handed me a note. I was kind of confused and we passed the note around the table. Someone had already paid for our meal and our tip. We were all astounded. When I tried to figure out who it was the server smiled and said that  they wished to remain anonymous. Sister Christensen grabbed a piece of paper and she and I wrote a very much appreciated thank you note to the generous donor. It wasn't even the money that mattered the most, because we all gave a generous tip to the waitress. It was the fact that someone looked at us and wanted to do something kind for us.  On our way out of the restaurant I found myself looking and smiling at everyone wondering which group were the unselfish donors of our free meal. 







Law enforcement in front of the auditorium (top) and the Church of Christ temple (below)



The note given to me in the restaurant
This is what a senior missionary's car looks like  when they are ready to go home.Stuffed to the brim. 

Sunday, March 3, 2024

A BUSY SUNDAY

Last week I (Russell) decided to write the blog on Saturday rather than Sunday because after our church meetings in the morning we were planning on taking a car to a location that would take up most of the rest of the day.  While I am glad we did that, neither of us would have guessed that 24 hours later we would have had so much more to write about. 

Last Sunday started for us with Eileen getting a 4:00 am call from a sick elder.  I agreed to go give a blessing to this elder with his companion.  Before I even got back, the elder called with more severe symptoms and Eileen had them head to the ER.  At 6:30 am Eileen got a call from a sister missionary with acute abdominal pains.  This time we were both dressed, so when Eileen sent that sister to the ER, we went so Eileen could be with her.  Watching the sister walking in the waiting room to manage the pain and seeing her with severe nausea symptoms, I told Eileen that it looked like a kidney stone to me.  It was also apparent that Eileen would need to stay with her and that I should look for another person to drive one of the two vehicles to Brookfield.  I ran over to Sacrament meeting, and then called Elder Dennison (a new senior elder) to see if he could both go with me to deliver the car and also drop by the hospital to give a blessing to the young sister who by then had been diagnosed as having a 7 mm kidney stone.  The morning left me grateful for several things: the power of priesthood blessings, access to good medical care, and a wonderful spouse who truly does care about the welfare of the missionaries here.

After dropping off the car, we went and found the site of the accident.  I was curious to see the “bump” in the road that the elders had hit that caused them to go airborne.   Turns out that “bump” was a steep 8–10-foot sudden rise in the road and then a drop just as steep on the other side of an otherwise straight road.  To me it looked like a man-made barrier on either side of the small stream to shelter the fields and distant homes should the stream overflow.  Conveniently, no pictures had been provided to me by the elders of the hill which functioned as their take-off ramp.  The car flew 2-3 car lengths before hitting on its’s nose, flipping and then skidding on its side into another hill which knocked the car back upright.  It is amazing what becomes clear when you see the scene of an accident.

During the two-hour drive back home, I got to know Elder Dennison better.  Perhaps it is because of the shared purpose of our work and the relatively few other adults we meaningfully associate with, that I began to feel comfortable disclosing a few personal things to him.  I also asked if he would be willing to give me a priesthood blessing once we got home.  Before Christmas I has a single episode of frank bleeding.  After seeing two doctors and having multiple tests, I was going in for a more invasive test/scoping the next day.  The test was looking for bladder cancer and Eileen has been quite concerned for the two-and-a-half months we have waited for this more definitive test.  I am grateful for the blessing and the findings the next day that no cancer was evident.

On Sunday, our District Leader, Elder Bradford and his wife spoke in the Riverview Branch sacrament meeting.  The branch is the Church unit in the center of Kansas City, perhaps the least prosperous area of our mission.  The Bradfords are going home this coming week, and this was their farewell to the branch.  During the middle of Elder Bradford’s talk, one of the friends/investigators present decided to stand up and declare that he was Jesus Christ and was called to convert the residents of Missouri.  Having served in the branch for a year, Elder Bradford was not as surprised as I would have been.  He simply thanked the man for attending and then continued with his talk.  Two young missionaries and a member of the branch presidency escorted the man to the foyer to discuss the matter further.  Inner city congregations can be interesting.

Every other Monday evening the senior missionaries gather for a dinner and FHE.  Monday evening, I presented on the humanitarian projects we were involved with in Indonesia.  Eileen helped me gather almost a hundred photos for the presentation.  I think the seniors enjoyed the pictures more than hearing me talk, so I kept it moving and we were done in half an hour.  But then the questions started.  I think it could have gone on for an hour if we had let it. 

Tuesday morning, I drove the truck into the office.  I needed to load it for the zone conferences we would be having Wednesday through Friday.  It was a good thing I didn’t wait to drive with Eileen, as she had 14 calls and text messages by 8 am.  It was a busy morning for her.

Oh, and we had two more wrecks this week.  One was while backing up in a parking lot.  Yes, the companion had been standing, as required, in back of the car; fortunately, a little off to one side. Because while the elder standing in back was distracted by another car, his driving companion couldn’t see in his mirror because of “sun glare.”  The second accident was just another deer encounter, one in which both sides lost.

Sister Campbell with Russell and Elder Dennison after getting a blessing.  She has a big kidney stone, the guy on the other side of the curtain in the ER also had a kidney stone and was moaning and swearing. At one point she called out to him and said "I will pray for you, it sounds like you are in so much pain."  He actually responded with a thank you to her. At that point she was in a significant amount of pain herself, but was quietly suffering. I was very impressed that she would reach out to someone else, even when she was hurting so badly. 
Russell, Eileen and Elder and Sister Bradford. He was our district leader, they both helped with cars every Zone Conference, and they were our eating out buddies. They go home this week. We will miss them!
Elder Albrecht and Elder Karren. Elder Albrecht makes a matching tie for each companion.  The two elders went to Hobby Lobby the night before Zone Conference to buy some fabric. Then Elder Albrecht made them before the next day.  I (Eileen) was very impressed. 


Saturday, February 24, 2024

TOTALLED

What a difference a week makes.  Last Saturday as I was trying to get a trailer off the the truck’s hitch, it was 25 degrees and overcast.  Today it is 55 degrees and sunny.  I’m writing today because tomorrow Eileen and I need to take a car to Brookfield, a town about 2 hours northeast of us.  More on that later. On Monday, President’s Day, I was no more successful at unhitching the trailer than I had been two days earlier.  Giving up, humbled, and just tired of vehicles in general, I called the one senior missionary elder in the Kansas City Facilities Management (FM) group.  They run the lot where I had left the truck and trailer.  Elder Shelton agreed to call me when they had time Tuesday afternoon to look at it.  I arrived to find Elder Shelton and a Church FM employee trying to uncouple the truck and trailer.  Watching them struggle to do so made me feel a little less stupid.  After a few minutes the FM employee walked away to one of their garages and came back with two things, a five-foot crowbar and a can of WD-40.  Using the crowbar, he popped the trailer hitch off the ball.  He then sprayed it down with lubricant and all was well.  Their kind efforts working on a trailer, something simple for them, was to me, a God-sent tender mercy.  

During the first four months we were here, we had eight car accidents.  During the last two months that number has doubled, with four in a nine-day span. Wednesday evening one occurred that I feared would someday come.  One that was more serious, one in which you wonder just how the missionaries survived to walk away from.  To use a few of their words to describe the incident, “just a little over the speed limit … a bump … airborne … rolled … airbags deployed.”  When I asked if they were hurt, both said no, with only one having just a single small scratch on his arm.  The next day both said, when I pressed them, that they were a little sore in their upper back and neck.  I am grateful for the divine protection they must have received.  Not something they deserved because of their less than careful driving, but something from a loving Father in Heaven; another God-sent tender mercy to the two missionaries, their families, President and Sister Sommerfeldt, and me.

As neither of the elders can now drive, both have been in other accidents while they were driving in the last two months, there will be an off-schedule/emergency transfer on Monday.  So that the elders in the area will have a car, Eileen and I are taking one to the area tomorrow.  The former car is unfortunately, beyond repair.  

To address the rise in accidents, my driver training in zone conference is going to change.  Beginning next week, we are going to use a “case study” approach, analyzing specific recent accidents in the mission.  I’m going to use pictures, street maps, speed and other relevant data to drill into the incidents and discuss as a group what went wrong.  While no names will ever be used in the discussion, my hope is that just the fear of not wanting to be the subject of next zone conference’s case study will be enough to encourage better driving.  I am grateful that when I had to call each elder’s mothers on Wednesday evening to tell them about the accident, that I could say their sons were okay.  We have to change behavior before similar calls with a different message are necessary.

The last couple weeks have been more challenging for me (Eileen) than usual.  I love the medical side of my role here, but just like when I was working at Primary Children’s Hospital, I dislike the management (political?) side of the role.  I have also had several situations recently where the nature of the medical issue is confidential and are just things I can’t talk about, yet my relationships with the individual missionaries are ones I don’t want to forget. Russell has suggested waiting several weeks and then going back and adding pictures of individuals on old postings without saying much as a way for me to keep the memories alive.  Earlier this morning I was telling Russell that I am very grateful that the missionaries feel comfortable enough with me that they will call when they are struggling with emotional issues.  Little do they know that they are helping me find joy and meaning in my calling here.  We all want to feel useful and appreciated.


Elder Sheldon and the FM employee doing their magic to get the trailer off the hitch.


Site of the most recent crash

When we went to see this car at the shop my (Eileen's) first thought was that I can't believe someone wasn't killed in this accident.

Gerry, pictured below, is 85 years old and still works on our cars with his grandson.  He is always pleasant but it seems like he wonders how so many cars can be damaged.  Sometimes we have had as many as 5 cars in his shop at one time. 


Sunday, February 18, 2024

THE PETER PRINICPLE

The Peter Principle is an observation of the tendency in most organizational hierarchies, for an employee (or missionary?) to rise in the organization to their level of incompetence.  Well, I’ve hit mine.  After months of struggling to learn how to back up a trailer, the transfer six weeks ago was the first time I was successful at parking the trailer.  This week we once again had transfers and again I was successful (after three tries) at backing the trailer into its parking spot, only to find that I couldn’t get the trailer off the hitch!  After 45 minutes in the 25-degree weather, dressed in a suit (I had to present to the new missionaries an hour earlier), I gave up and just locked the truck where it was.  I’ll look at it tomorrow, while I won’t be any more skilled or smarter, at least it will be warmer.  

A week ago Friday, David Bezzant, our mission’s fleet manager from Church Headquarters in SLC dropped by for a short visit.  I drove him around Independence and then took him up to see the Liberty Jail historical site.  While we were driving around in Independence, he mentioned two things that stood out to him.  First, just how many different christian churches there are here.  And second, how many people were wearing clothing with Kansas City Chiefs’ colors and logos.  I told him that there are two religions here, and where there are many denominations of Christian’s locally, the second religion of Chiefs’ NFL football unites all the denominations of the first.

In preparation for Super Bowl Sunday last week, President Sommerfeldt sent out a message to the missionaries talking about them keeping the Sabbath Day holy and advising them all to be indoors by 8:00 PM that night.  Win or lose, the Chief fan’s potential post game activities were a concern.  But last Sunday night’s activities seemed to go okay.  It sounded a bit like a typical July 24th evening in Utah.

On Wednesday, Valentines Day, there was a Chiefs Kingdom Champions Parade.  The schools and many businesses were closed to celebrate the Chief’s win.  The shooting that occurred that afternoon made the national news.  Two of our young elders, in who’s teaching area close to a million people gathered to see the parade, witnessed one of the victims being shot.  Unfortunately, this gun violence was not the only incident that our missionaries’ have recently experienced.  The  week before last, two of our young sisters had a gun pointed at them here in the Independence area.  The epidemic of gun violence that is plaguing our nation is no longer just in other cities, now it is in mine.

President and Sister Sommerfeldt attended our health council meeting with their Kansas City Chiefs shirts on.  

This restaurant in Olathe was full of kids on Wednesday.  The children had off school because  

of the victory celebration for the Chiefs.

The parking lot in Olathe had this very unusual three wheeled car parked. I am sure my grandkids would have loved a spin in it. 

Elder Healy and Elder Perry bought all the sisters in the office red roses for Valentine's Day. 


The newly arrived missionaries at the airport with President and Sister Sommerfeldt


One of our new elders is deaf and uses only ASL.   The amazing thing is he constantly had a smile on his face. He will be in a trio with these other two missionaries who can translate for him. 

Elder Binns translated our meeting into ASL for our new missionary. 

My amaryllis which I got for my birthday in December have finally bloomed. Just in time for Valentines Day.  They don't get much sun in my office. I think that is why it took them so long to bloom.
Elder Thomason is serving as a service missionary while on leave from our mission and recovering from surgery on his foot.  He received 19 scholarship offers and accepted the one from BYU. He is a gentle giant. The first time I met him I told him "please don't kill me".  He is kind, obedient and has a very sweet disposition. 

Sunday, February 11, 2024

THOU SHALT NOT COVET

In Exodus 20:17, the Lord revealed through Moses the last of the Ten Commandments.  “Thou shalt not covet they neighbour’s house . . . nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.”  The dictionary defines coveting as, “To wish for greatly or with envy.”  Jesus said, “Take heed, and beware of all covetousness; for a man’s life consistently not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.” (Luke 12:15)

Until just recently, I (Russell) never dreamed that just performing my missionary calling as a vehicle coordinator could lead a number of the young elders to possibly transgress the tenth commandment.  Almost all the vehicles in our mission are compact SUVs, but last week we got the first of several (hopefully) compact pickup trucks.  In a number of the rural north, east and south areas of our mission, many of the roads are not paved and trucks fare better than cars.  On Thursday we drove to Maryville, near the Iowa border, to exchange this new truck for the elder’s SUV.  I was amazed at how easy it was to make someone’s day and turn them into the envy of many of their fellow missionaries.

The last two weeks have been difficult ones for Eileen.  Like most of her weeks since arriving six months ago, the missionaries have had a number of health challenges, several serious.  But what has made the last couple of weeks abnormal is the number of contentious interactions she has had with a few very unhappy parents and Church medical professionals who opine from afar, having never seen or talked to the young missionaries whose lives they are affecting. 

One situation, which at first, I viewed as just tragic, I’m now inclined to see it as unfortunate but surrounded by a number of tender mercies; mercies and love extended by many.  On Thursday, during our drive to Maryville, Eileen got a call from a young missionary who was suffering with a serious issue.  I consider it a tribute to Eileen and her relationship with the elder that he would trust her enough to call.  To meet the needs of this elder, a number of senior and young missionaries were called upon to help on very short notice.  It was heartwarming to see the love exhibited to this elder by his fellow missionaries prior to his return home on Friday.


We drove  these elders to get some medical records. Elder Besaw (on the right) was very  friendly to everyone including the medical records cashier.  It was fun to see him in action. 

It seems like a ritual that missionaries find a way to mark their territory when they have served in a certain location. In Mound City it was a goat's skull. In Marysville it is a surfboard. It must have been here a long time as I didn't recognize any of the elder's names on the surfboard.

The Marysville apartment had two big Christmas trees.  This one was decorated with balloons. I didn't ask if they keep it up year round.
Elder Mortenson and Elder Johnson with their brand new truck. It even smells new inside. Here is hoping it doesn't get in a wreck anytime soon. 
These were on the road going home from Maryville.  They looked like something off a futuristic movie.

                                                          Elder Hunick and Eileen


Dinner at Olive Garden with senior missionaries after a temple session

We were able to attend a Super Bowl Sunday organ recital at the Community for Christ temple. 
  The pipe organ was huge.  This is with the perspective of the tall corkscrew spire going up from the auditorium. 

This organ recital has occurred every Super Bowl for the last 25 years. The organist was excellent. 
There were definitely a lot of Chiefs fans in the audience. 

Jan Kraybill was the organist and was extremely talented.  She did one song which was mostly done with the pedals in honor of the kicker for the Chiefs.  The beginning song had bits and pieces of Taylor Swift's songs. The audience loved it. Since we are not familiar with what songs Taylor Swift sings it went right over our heads. 

Sunday, February 4, 2024

MY LACK OF PROPER PERSPECTIVE





This past week has been an interesting one, not one we particularly want to repeat, but eventful.  Last weekend we had a record (during my short tenure) of five cars in the body shop at the same time. And this week another first, three accidents (Mon, Thurs. & Sat.).  Usually, we have only 1-2 a month.  Not exactly the type of records that I’m proud of but perhaps revealing on my last week.  The sisters’ car got hit while it was parked and unoccupied.  The two cars driven by elders suffered from the same problem, drivers thinking that the gap they wanted to get through was wider than their cars actually were.  While just an inconvenience if approached slowly, at 30-35 mph it creates quite a mess. I totally get why car insurance rates are higher for young males.

I’m not sure when it started happening (I (Russell) would never have thought to call my son’s mission office) and perhaps it’s just because we are in the U.S. where phone calls are free and mission office phone numbers are only a Google search away, but some missionary parents feel they need to call the mission nurse to both complain about their missionary’s health care and to ask why they are not getting better.  Eileen got two of those this week.  One went so far as to demand “blood work” be done, only to call back a few minutes later and say her bishop said no need for the blood work but suggested two medications.  The missionary has already been seen by a local physician and has been prescribed a different medication.  The mother told her missionary to take all three.

It was with this backdrop that Eileen and I discussed what we might write about in the blog this week. Between these and other challenges at home and in the office, Eileen suggested maybe we just skip writing.  However, another thing happened this week that has reminded me how minor my problems are and how myopic my viewpoint is.  Yesterday a funeral was held at the building where we attend church.  A young man, Jonathan Fielding, whose family lives in a neighboring ward, passed away tragically after falling while hiking in Southern Utah.  My heart goes out to his family, particularly his parents.  Their loss has reminded me of what a great gift life is, and how fortunate we are that none of our accidents in the mission have resulted in serious injury.



Our office staff during transition.  Sister Kearns (in the purple), is having brain surgery the end of the month and needs some time off. Sister Welbern (front row, left) lives locally and taught Sister Kearns how to do the office job. She has very graciously agreed to serve as the secretary to the mission president until a new missionary can be assigned. 


We needed to go to Tipton which is 2 hours away to pick up some appliances. We took Elder Barlow and Elder Paul out to lunch.   

Eileen had a zoom call with some members of her family and her sister Chris on Friday night. Chris is the one who was in a medically induced coma for a couple of weeks fighting ARDS.  She is now in a rehab facility trying to gain her strength back. It is remarkable how well she is doing. Three different doctors  told her she is indeed a miracle patient, as they truly didn't expect her to live. Chris sent the photo below  today of her standing on her own without a walker or oxygen. Just 9 days ago she was scheduled to have a tracheostomy and was so weak it took 4 men to lift her