The last two weeks have been
an emotional roller coaster for us. We
don’t frequently share personal feelings on our blog, however this week I
(Eileen) would like to do so.
In the first three months of
this year I had a seizure-like event during each month. During the first one in
January, our mission president who is a doctor was with me, as was
Russell. Shortly after that I had an MRI
and an EEG both of which were considered normal. Two weeks ago I had two seizures in one day.
This took me by surprise. The following
week I had three seizures in one day and three at night. They continued to increase in frequency and
number to the point that I was having some as long as 25 minutes at a time and
as many as 17/day. The days went by and we
became increasingly concerned. On
Saturday April 6th we had zone conference. This is a day in which missionaries from the
mission meet together to be spiritually edified and taught. I decided to go,
thinking that if I had an attitude of “faith not fear” I would be ok. The conference started at 9 AM. By 11:30 I was
on my 3rd seizure. Prior to most
of the seizures I have an aura, so I have a minute or two notice to discreetly
leave the room. After the third seizure
I was emotionally drained, and left to go home without saying goodbye to the
missionaries that I dearly love. On
Saturday and Sunday, Russell and I fasted and prayed to know what to do
regarding my seizures. At this point I
didn’t feel like I could go on much longer like this, either emotionally or
physically. It is difficult to be trapped in a body that does not function the
way you would like it to. I was afraid
of leaving my apartment for fear that I would have a seizure and either harm
myself or make a fool of myself in front of others. Each time I have a seizure I feel like I have
a jolt of electricity traveling from my feet to my head. Then the movements
start. I am never quite sure where or what will happen, but it is never
pretty. When we fasted we humbled
ourselves and asked the Lord what we should do.
I knew I couldn’t get on a plane to go back to the U.S. for an
evaluation with the frequency of my seizures. How was I to get an
evaluation? As we were praying the
answer came loud and clear to me. Get a
Video EEG!
With the help of our mission president by Tuesday morning I was in a local hospital hooked
up to machines and being monitored by a video camera. Within minutes of arriving at the hospital I
started having seizures. In fact within
the 24-hour period of the Video EEG, I had at least 30. Some seizures lasted 10
minutes, some lasted 30 minutes. I was
exhausted and desperate for help. I had
posted a notice on Facebook regarding the test I was having. Thoughts from friends that I haven’t seen or
heard from for years were so appreciated through the long hours ahead of
me. Throughout the many days of my
seizures, Russell was constantly at my side.
He would talk soothingly to me, rub my head, hold me close and pray for
me. Now he had additional duties. He changed my bedpan, wrote down the timing
of the seizures, prepared my food, and got my drinks for me. He sat at my
bedside watching my every move. I have
a very devoted, cherished companion that suffered as he watched me suffer. The room didn’t have air conditioning for
many hours. The heat became unbearable, yet he did not complain. I so appreciate and love him. I listened to LDS general conference on my
IPod until the battery on my IPod went dead.
I didn’t have the means to recharge it.
It was only 4 AM and I wondered what I would do to distract me. Then through the still of the night came the
beautiful sounds of the call to prayer from the nearby mosque. It was very different from the 5 mosques that
all commence at once nearby our apartment. The call pierced the air of my
hospital room with a lovely sound and reminded me….. do not forget to
pray.
I was discharged with
medication, exhausted, eager to sleep in my own bed without wires. Thursday night Russell and I returned to the
hospital to meet with 3 doctors for the results. My mission president and his wife were also
there. The results came back very
different than I had expected:
No-organic reason for my seizures, with a diagnosis of non-epileptic
seizures. After asking a few questions
of the doctors, I talked with my mission president both about the challenges in
my life and possible future plans depending upon how things transpire. That night I went to bed realizing that I had
gone 4 hours without a seizure.
Miracles do occur in this day
and age. I can attest to that. Saturday, I swam l/2 a mile with Russell
watching closely. Sunday, we had friends
over for dinner. Both days I have had
seizures only at night. I am hopeful
(and even confident) that with a humble heart and the Lord’s help I will get
better and be able to finish out our mission here in Indonesia.
While I was lying in the
hospital I listened to a talk given by Henry B. Eyring, an apostle in our
church. He said something that really
touched me, “I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot
assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of
the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow
down and then appear almost to stop.
There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons
may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those
reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father
and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever.
Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be
there.”
I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father. I know that I can be healed through the
Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am grateful
for the prayers and love that have been offered on our behalf by friends and
family. We have certainly felt of your love.
Sweet!
ReplyDeleteHoping and praying for the best. Thanks for sharing.
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